The “I Deserve This” Loophole
Why 'I deserve this' isn't really a thought at all, and how reward spending quietly bypasses every financial intention you've set for yourself.
You made it through the week. The project shipped. The difficult conversation happened. And now you’re standing in front of something you want, and a thought rises up so naturally it barely registers as a thought at all: “I deserve this.”
The phrase “I deserve this” isn’t really an evaluation of what you’ve earned. It’s a permission slip that bypasses all the other financial considerations you’d normally make before spending.
So, while it’s a reasonable feeling, it can still derail you.
The Moral Licensing Effect
Psychologists call it moral licensing, and it works like this. When you do something “good,” your brain gives you unconscious permission to do something that doesn’t quite align with your goals. Exercised this morning? You’re more likely to order the burger at lunch. Donated to charity last week? Research shows you’re more than 50% more likely to splurge on yourself afterward (Merritt et al., 2010).
This isn’t hypocrisy. It’s your brain trying to balance an internal ledger that it made up on the fly.
The financial version plays out constantly. You saved money all week, so you’ve “earned” the right to spend. You hit a goal, so the celebration cancels out the progress you made. The discipline itself becomes the justification for dropping it. According to Credit Karma research, celebratory spending accounts for approximately 32% of all emotional spending, with 29% of consumers identifying happiness itself as a spending trigger.
The spending that feels most justified might also be the hardest to see clearly.
Why “Deserve” Is a Loaded Word
Think about what “deserve” actually means for a second. It implies that worthiness must be earned through effort or suffering, and that some form of deprivation must be redressed.
But follow that logic a little further. If you only get to enjoy nice things after hardship, you’re building a personal economy where suffering is the currency. You’re training your brain to file normal life under “deprivation” and to treat purchases as a temporary escape from it. That framing guarantees you’ll never feel like you have enough without first experiencing too little. It keeps you running on a loop where the good stuff only shows up as a reaction to the bad stuff, never as something you can enjoy without conditions attached.
The Cognitive Bypass
Here’s where it gets really interesting. “I deserve this” works so well because it short-circuits deliberation. It answers every possible objection before the objection even forms.
Is this in my budget? It does not matter; I earned it. Do I actually need this? Need isn’t the point. Will I regret this tomorrow? Can’t regret giving myself what I worked for.
The phrase functions as a thought-terminating cliche, as psychologists call it. It ends the internal conversation before it starts. And here’s a tell that’s worth noticing: you rarely say “I deserve this” about things you’d buy anyway. Nobody stands in the grocery store whispering “I deserve this” over a bag of rice. The phrase appears precisely when there’s resistance to overcome, when part of you knows this purchase doesn’t line up with what you actually want for yourself.
The Exhaustion Factor
There’s one more layer to this, and it concerns timing. Research on self-control suggests that willpower is depletable, like a battery that drains throughout the day. Research shows that financial decisions made after 3pm are of measurably lower quality than those made in the morning.
This matters because “I deserve this” thinking peaks exactly when you’ve already spent your reserves on work, relationships, and the thousand small decisions that fill a day. You’re most vulnerable to the deserve narrative at the precise moment you’re least equipped to question it.
The exhaustion isn’t just the backdrop for reward spending. It’s the cause. You don’t spend because you sat down and evaluated that you’ve earned something. You believe you’ve earned it because you’re depleted, and your tired brain is looking for the fastest route to relief.
This Week’s Practice
None of this is about stopping yourself from ever celebrating or enjoying something. It’s really not. Instead, this week, try simply noticing when “I deserve this” arises. Don’t argue with it and don’t judge yourself for thinking it. Just catch the phrase and get curious about it.
What just happened before it appeared? What are you actually feeling right now, underneath the wanting? And what would you be doing right now if you decided not to buy the thing?
The pattern must become visible before it can be changed. And seeing it clearly is a bigger step than most people realize.
Next in this series, we’ll explore why rewards stop working over time, even when you really did earn them.
This content is for educational purposes only and should not be construed as financial or therapeutic advice. Consider speaking with qualified professionals for personalized guidance.